FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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