i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
