I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
