I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
