You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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