You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
