I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
