Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
