I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
