It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
