Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
