plz talk dirty to me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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