I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
