hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so explain again why im purple
no
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
