this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
