I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
