Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
