you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
