Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
