so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i think i just lost a toe
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
