Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
