Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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