what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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