I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize