guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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