Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
