Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
