it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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