This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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