A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
