in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
