I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
