I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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