Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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