yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
