remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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