Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
