she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How many fucks given?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.