I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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