Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize