she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND