It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off