do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
