Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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