Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
