i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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