Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
