While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
