Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
