It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
