yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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