yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
