I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
