Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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