Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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