It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
