I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
