youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
