Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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