so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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