there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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