I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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