Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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